Bittersweet

This morning was kinda bittersweet. I got ready and did my normal things before walking out the door. But one thing was different, the bag that I have been constantly packing and preparing every morning for the past 8 and half months was left on the kitchen floor this morning. My pumping bag. Its been kinda coming.. I had been thinking of stopping for a while now. And it just seemed to be 'time'. By the way this post may not interest anyone.  Honestly I just what to document it for myself. Its a big milestone, and I want to remember the experience and how I felt as it was coming to an end. People have all sorts of opinons and expectations when it comes to nursing your baby. I know many people decide that it just not for them. So please don't be offended by anything I say, its a personal decision and to 'each his own'.

But for me I can say I'm so grateful for having the opportunity to nurse both of my kids. Each experience was different in their own ways. But equally rewarding and a positive experience for both. I think a lot of people have a misconception that breastfeeding is just for stay at home moms. Or its just a 'piece of cake'. That nature will entirely kick in and you'll totally know what to do. It will be sunshine and rainbows. And you'll produce so much milk that you'll need a second fridge and a deep freeze in the basement. I'm not knocking people that do have a super easy time and tons of milk. That is awesome! And kudos to you. But I think lots of people have a harder time. For some the beginning is so hard, they aren't sure if they can continue on. The baby isn't gaining, something isn't working even though you think you are doing everything right. Your exhausted and delirious. Then you finally decide to get some help and sure enough there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Once you get help things start working and all of sudden it is a piece of cake. Most days, sure you might have certain trials come along and you problem solve and work through it.. and keep plugging along. That is kinda how my experience was. In very short summary. A little easier the second time around. Actually way, way easier in the beginning. But ended up having its own different challenges later on in the process. I think it may not work for some people because they don't research it and know enough about the whole process. Some people may not know to ask for help or have a lacation nurse or some sort of support system within their reach. And others just simply, their bodies aren't able to do it or their babies just aren't able to have that type of milk.  For me I'm thankful that I could do it and it worked out. Both times for longer than I even anticipated that it would last.

But for anyone out there that isn't sure it do-able with a full-time job, I can say that it is do-able. Of course depending on your job, and your work envirnoment, etc. It may not be a piece of cake though. I can say for me at times it was super hard, challenging, time consuming and at certain moments, down right exhausting. There were times I thought about throwing in the towel, challenges would arise, but I kept plugging along. Most of the "ughhh attitude" moments for me, don't really refer to the actual nursing, its just more to the act of pumping. It wasn't always like that. Just certain days I might dread the pumping part. Other days I was thankful for a small break at work to do something else.. or just to have a few moments of quite to myself.. ha! 

Other BF mom's out there might know what I'm referring to. The dreaded pumping... ha ha. After nearly 8.5 months, I won't lie I was so sick of looking at that pump and the bag I carry it around in. HA! But seriously even though at times I couldn't wait to retire that pump, but at other moments the pump represented the 'whole experience'. And once I retired that thing, it meant that whole stage was over. The few moments of the days where it was just me and her, no interuptions. I'll admit these past weeks as I tried to figure out, 'should I quit', 'is she done', 'what should I do'. I just didn't want to let it go. But I know it was the right decision. And sometimes I feel a big sign of relief and freedom, if you will. But other times I feel kinda sad.

So I guess that's why I'm saying its 'Bittersweet'.

Easter Best

 

 

 

 The boys were all dressed so nice!

 

Somehow we didn't manage to get a family picture. What a bummer, everyone looked so nice! 

Trying out the Easter Dress

 

 "Hey I kinda like this dress."

I guess we'll have to work on being more 'lady like'.. ha!

 

 

 

 

  "Ok are we done yet?"

"I've had enough, I'm watching tv now."

Just Eating

 Like I mentioned before. Gwen likes to eat. She is a big girl, and she is all about the solids. Coopers likes to help stir her food. And sometimes he even wants to give her some bites.

She things he is hilarious. And she is right, he usually is.. ha!

Jump, Jump, Jump

 Of course Gwen just loves being in the bouncer.

 

There are those teeth!

Its so cute watching her on her little toes.